future

i really should get to work. my nap took longer than i was expecting. i can't believe i actually fell asleep. part of me is excited. i cannot help but think of the future. of college. i don't really want to go the cities. i really don't want to lose heidi again. i lost her once, and that was hard enough. losing her again... especially for reasons not in our control will be just as hard if not harder. we've already talked about how hard it will be to not see each other for two weeks. we wouldn't see each other at all if we went to college at different schools. just like i can't tell her how much i love her right now, i also can't bring myself to tell her how much i want to be with her, to stay with her. its wierd. i realize i am still young. but i really cannot see myself with anyone else. but thats just me. i doubt she feels the same way. i applied to wlc today. if i am accepted i want to talk to her about it. if she wants me to come with her i will. i want to. but i will leave that decision up to her. maybe she just views our relationship as a fling and will want to start over at college. i hope not. i just don't want to lose her again. im hoping i am accepted. i am hoping she will say yes.