hurt, happening again

i don't know why i am so hurt by it. i guess i shouldn't be. it was her choice. but i can't help the way i feel. she looked so tired last night. it was midnight. she didn't want to hang out with me, she wanted to go to sleep. she told me she was going to sleep. i would have loved to hang out or be with her, but she wanted to sleep so i walked her up to her apartment. why the hell did she stay up for another two and a half hours hanging out with other people. i don't know why it hurts. but if she was too tired to hang out with me, why wasn't she too tired to hang out with them. its her choice. maybe i am more hurt that she chose them over me, but the situation is different. she wanted me to leave her alone so she could go to bed. but why did she stay up so much longe. maybe it is bothering me more because i know i won't see her for a couple days now. i don't want her to leave for belview and echo like this. i just don't understand sometimes. i was at home last night, thinking and writing about the past two weeks... how much i cared about her. like i told myself in the last entry, i don't think she feels even close to how i feel about her. and if she does... she hides it well. i wanted to see her this morning. thats why i called. she said she wouldn't have to leave until twelve. that she wanted to see me too. i guess she changed her mind on that as well. i won't let this become bigger than it is. not unless she does. we've been doing so well. im not ready for a down. i don't want a down. i want to be with her... right now.
....ok... addition onto draft.... i called her and got to see her, and seeing her made me feel somewhat better :)