frustrated

this is so fuckin stupid. i woke up at 4:30 this morning. i couldnt fall back asleep. i laid in bed for over an hour and a half tearing myself open. by the end, by now i just wish i wasnt here. itd be easier. i hate this. i hate feeling like this. why dont i just give up. i dont have to put myself through this. why do i care so much. why cant i say its over. i cant take anymore. i dont want to see you ever again. why cant i walk out. walk away. leave everything behind. then again, maybe everything i am thinking is wrong. maybe they were wrong. i need to know. this is killing me.

*once again: don't read too deeply into this, i just needed to write. i have to keep it vague for numerous reasons. some of the things written are written out of frustration, anger, disbelief, confusion. i just need to sort it through, talk to the person i need to talk to. i dont want to walk away.