still fading...

i've heard everything, been hugged by everyone, cried in front of many, but nothing seems to help. people don't understand, they say im stronger than this, they don't really know me. truth is im not as strong and confident as they seem to believe, its a front, a wall that i've learned to build to mask my emotions, hide the hurt; something i learned to do as a child. that wall has finally crumbled and i've been left exposed. its hard, people asking questions all day, not wanting to answer for fear of breaking down. im scaring people, i can hear the whispers, they're afraid im going to hurt myself.

people try to convince me that she isn't worth it, that she isn't worth the pain i am going through now. to that i say fuck all of you. she's worth it, to me she is worth everything, everything and anything. i love her, even if everything else in my life fades away that will forever remain. i want her to be happy, more than i want myself to be happy. if she would be happier without me, or needs to take time to try and find herself, then i will have to learn to let her do that. i want her to be happy, and she is absolutely worth the pain i will have in my life if it helps her reach a point where she can love herself.