hoping

i wanted to text her last night. i wanted to tell her what i was feeling. i didn't. i guess i really don't know why. i don't think it would have meant anything to her anymore. i don't think she has the same feelings i do. when i lie in bed at night i wish she was there next to me. when i want to talk to someone i wish it was her i could turn to. i've never needed someone like this before. i was always so independent. why now. why can't i let go. its because i don't want to. i want to hold on to a hope that we will be together again. its because she's special, its because i want to be with her. im afraid that my feelings are making this hard on her. im sorry. but this is the only way i know how to express myself now. i would talk to her if i could, hold her; but im afraid that it would hurt her even more to see me cry. so i hold back.

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away. And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today. Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right. And though I can't be with you tonight. Know my heart is by your side.'

'I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand. If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am. Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?'

i've had that song in my head today, heard it on the radio yesterday. i really don't like it much. but the words seem to fit with the thoughts that i have. why do i still want to be with her... tonight... and always. i guess i know why.