sorry

i know... i haven't posted in awhile.... sorry. my life has been kinda hectic lately, and i am sick now... my fingers are aching as i type... kindof a tingly feeling... but anyway... i should really apologize for a lot more than just not posting... i have hurt a lot of people lately... i don't know why but my attitude and outlook on life has been messed up lately. i used to call myself the eternal optimist and even on a bad day my mood would be peachy... though more often than not i was peachirific.... which is really good. instead lately i've been having my moments of happiness, but overall my outlook has been bleak... i am going to try to change that... i know i'll be better once school is getting out and the weather improves, i hate winter with a passion, but spring is my favorite time of year.... i want to be able to do things with friends other than just laying around.... if this summer is anything like last i will be ecstatic.... i've had many people tell me lately that i have changed... my morals and values haven't changed i'm still the same old curt.... but my emotional state and outlook has been different, i'm not as cheerful as i once was... i sleep through classes... i don't eat... i don't sleep... i haven't been focusing on my school work as much as i used to... and i have been hurting people... once i start feeling better i am going to talk to everyone i've hurt... my brother, my dad, my mom, my girlfriend, some of my friends... they have no idea how much i regret everytime i do or say something that hurts them... its time for me to get out of the rut i find myself in and try to start again... if i could go back there are many things about the past probably three to four months that i would change... i just wish that everyone knew that its not their fault, i don't mean to hurt anyone...